Rumination is still lurking in the back of my mind here and there.
I had a really bad internal mental breakdown a while back, and it fucked me up for a few days because I thought I had managed to handle it better.
It's not the first time I had moments like this, even when I'm in a good mood it just... decides to creep back in when I least expect it.
I'm beginning to wonder if it's something else at play causing this? I understand that intrusive thoughts are hard to get rid of, but the fact they come on even when I'm not thinking about it is... jarring.
Even more jarring when they tell me that self-deletion is a far better option. Ideation of it is NOT what I want.
This is something I'm going to bring up to my therapist next time, see if it is just malmanagement of intrustive thoughts or something more pshychological at hand.
Now onto some good news.
I've finally decided to start saving up components to upgrade my PC. This thing I bought all the way back in 2021 during the pandemic lockdown, and it's full of components that are from between 2012-2018, it's been through a boot disk upgrade, a boot disk replacement, and a graphics card replacement.
It was built to be a low-end budget gaming PC in mind which is what I want to do for it still, granted with my own budget I'll have to get each component through each month. At the least I'm hoping I can get the deadline for the upgrade by August. At LEAST before October when Windows 10 reaches end-of-service.
I'm still not sure how to go about upgrading to Windows 11... I'll have to consult the PC shop about that once I bring it up there (note: I DO NOT TRUST MYSELF TO INSTALL PC COMPONENTS), more than likely they'll prolly install Windows 10, install the drivers and all that goodness, and then upgrade it to WIndows 11.
I'm hoping I can have it as Windows 11 Pro.